"You Should Become a Priest" So I've Been Told

This statement is one that I've heard so many times in my life that I lost count.  Seriously though, I'm tired of that sentence, because it is very confusing.  Some guys will know what I talking about.  Others will not, and everyone else will probably not care about my internal struggles to serve God as best I can, but they don't write on this blog, so forget them.  How about we start at the beginning.......

I started hearing this when I came to college 4 years ago.  I remember one particular instance that had a huge affect on me during my sophomore year.  I had just turned 20 years old and was having a quarter life crisis.  Everyone around me seemed to be putting their lives together and had bright futures in front of them.  I however had no plans, no ideas, and was in funk.  So I decided that the best way to vent my frustration was to post it on Facebook (because that's always a good idea).  Some people commented with pity and encouragement, but one person commented something along the lines of "Have you considered the priesthood?"

Boom.

That sent me over the edge.  Now my head was filled with even more confusion then before.  I began to question everything.  Should I drop out of college and join a seminary?  What if this is my calling?  What if it isn't my calling, but I become a priest anyway?  Is there any chance I'll find a spouse?  You have to understand that I wasn't used to talking to people about my problems, unless it involved girls, but that was something completely different.

The next couple of days were torture, as I went from class, to activities and to sleep, all the while these questions were floating in my head.  It got better over time, and eventually, I got past this sad stage in my life.  Then Thanksgiving came around, and I thought that talking to my mom about this  issue might help me.  I was still really nervous and kept putting the conversation off until the night before Thanksgiving.  I was peeling apples at the table when she mentioned that she ran into the priest at my old Catholic high school, and that he believed I would make a really good priest.  Boom.  Here we go again.  I started tearing up and told her my struggle.  We talked it out, and she told me I didn't need to make any decisions right away; it would take time, so I should just live my life and pray for guidance.  I felt better, and went back to my normal, non-discernment life.

Over the next couple years, people continued to ask me about the priesthood.  Friends made jokes, acquaintances asked questions, and current priest called me out in front of the entire Newman Center, just because I made a reference to the Second Vatican Council in a speech.  I tried to not let it bother me and currently it doesn't, but I'll talk about that later.

Here's the thing.  I'm not against the priesthood.  I could possibly see myself as priest in the future, but I don't know if that is my vocation.  When I was younger, joining the priesthood seemed so abnormal to me.  I considered myself a pretty abnormal teen, who didn't always have the typical teen experiences, or when I did, they happened later than everyone else.  I didn't want to be abnormal anymore, so I was pretty dead set against becoming a priest.  It was also because it was always me who was asked.  No one ever joked about it with my other Newman friends or called them out as potential priests.  Though it's probably not true, but it still hurt.

Things have changed for me these past couple years.  As I began to spend my time the priests at the Newman Center, saw what it really means to be a priest of the Catholic Church.  They have a connection with God I could only dream of having and what they do is pretty amazing.  I probably wouldn't be the greatest American priest of all time, but I could be a decent one if God guided me.  However, there is the alternative.....

Honestly , I'd love to be a dad.  Like I said, I've been hearing how "good" a priest I would be for a long time, but only once did I hear another calling.  My friend and I hanging out one night at our friend's bad punk band concert.  After talking for a while, she said something I thought I would never hear.  She said "You're going to make a great dad someday" (She's married by the way, so that ain't happening) and I was so happy.  Finally, someone saw something in me besides a potential priest.  I had always wanted to be a dad, but due to a lack of female companion, I thought it would be a very long time before River and Tyler would be brought into the world (potential kid names, you like?).  Still, the dream was still alive and even though I might have been called to the priesthood, I was just happy that someone believed in me.

I still don't know where God is calling me.  I prayed about this issue a couple months ago, and while God didn't spell out "PRIESTHOOD" in huge letters in the sky, He also hasn't sent someone who I could spend the rest of my life with (not that I know of anyway).  So, I'm keeping an open mind about this, and waiting to see where God is calling me.  To me, becoming a husband and dad, is just as important role in the Church as becoming a priest, because while the Church needs good priests, it also needs good fathers.

For now, I'll continue to pray, so that one day, I can look back and see how God used me to bring others to His kingdom, which is my real purpose in life.  I mean, I could possibly stay single for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy caring for others and doing God's work.  That is what God and I can agree upon.

Peace and Love