I have been a Catholic for a long time (actually my entire life), and most things about being a part of the Church are pretty routine. I've got the Mass parts down, I can recite most entrance and closing songs by memory and I can knee on hard work/concrete floors if necessary during the Liturgy of the Eucharist.
However, there is one part about being Catholic that brings me joy and angst at the same time; the Sacrament of Reconciliation. For anyone who is going "What is that", here's the basics. Reconciliation or Confession is when Catholics go before their priest who is standing in the place of Jesus and confess their sins. Now, these aren't like the little things we do, like grumble about getting up for 8:30am Mass (that gets absolved during Mass itself), this is for the big stuff, like the Seven Deadly Sins big stuff. After the priest hears confessions, they might offer a piece of advice or ask a question about the nature of the sin. They just want to help you gain some understanding, so that you can kick the habit. Then they'll assign you a penance. This could be something as simple as doing ten Hail Marys and five Our Fathers, to saying a certain prayer everyday for a week. The priest will then ask you to say the Act of Contrition, which is you telling God that you messed up, but will do better in the future. He then will absolve you from your sins and you can leave.
That's Reconciliation in a nutshell. Other people might have different Confession experiences. Some will go to ask for advice or council and others need to recite the entire appendixes of their sins. There's nothing wrong with that, and if people haven't been to Confession in a while or have been through some rough stuff, it can take a bit of time. Unfortunately, I have a problem with being impatient, so when someone's Confession takes over three minutes, I'm not happy. Metaphorically, Confession to me is like taking a shower. 99% of the time, I'm in and out of the tub in just a few minutes and I get antsy when someone is taking a long shower, because I'm afraid they'll use all the hot water (ie Confession will be over before I can go). Don't let my inpatient nature stop you from a long Confession, because I understand when people really need it.
Now, anyone who wonders why we even have Confession, I'm going to turn you over to this other blogger I found 3 Minute Apologetics: 3 Minute Apologetics: Why do Catholics have to confess their sins to a priest. Basically, it s a sign to God and to our brothers and sisters in Christ that we are sorry for our sins. The blog post is really cool and gives a great explanation.
Like the title says, I have a love/hate relationship with Confession. On one hand, I love that it exists, because I would be screwed without it. On the other hand, I hate having to go again, and again, and again, especially when you go to the same priest every time.
I have this irrational fear of being judged by the priest when I go to Confession. It can be scary when you are going to Confession for the same sins over and over again, and I would often go long stretches of time without going, because I didn't want the priest to judge me for my sins. So, I would either have to wait until I went home and go to 7:30am Confession, or wait for a retreat when there would be other priests around besides my usual one. All this because I was scared of being judged. I still am a bit scared, and every opportunity that I have to go to a different parish or meet with a different priest, I take it, but I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. I've gotten a bit better, and there are some pretty obvious things that you never really think about when going to Confession.
1. The priest has heard it all No matter what you confess to a priest, they've probably heard worst; a lot worst. You're talking to someone who has been hearing Confessions for a while, so most likely they've heard some pretty crazy stuff. It's very difficult to surprise a priest in the confessional.
2. They'll probably forget it Like I said, priests hear a lot of Confessions; like hundreds, sometimes thousands. So unless you confessed something really crazy, they probably won't remember, and even if they do, they're forbidden to talk about it outside of the confessional. So, don't worry about seeing your priest on the streets and him saying "Hey Sarah, steal anything today?". Cause that would be weird.
3. They're not going to judge A lot of people, including me, forget that a priest is standing in the place of Christ. So you're not confessing your sins to some balding middle-aged guy, you're confessing to the Lord, and above all, the Lord will not judge you. He loves and wants you to come to Confession. He wants you to understand what you've done wrong and to try again. I heard a talk from Archbishop Desmond Tutu (not Catholic, but still pretty BA) saying that we are like children trying to walk, and when we fall, God picks us up, dusts us off and encourages us to try again. God loves us, and that's why He gave those Apostles the Spirit, so that we could be saved from our sins.
So, I hope that hearing what I had to say will help you with your Confession anxiety (if it even exists, and if you don't have any, right on!). It's helped ma bit, and I hope that I will not only be able to improve myself spiritually, but also not be afraid to face the Lord when I do fail. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a truly amazing experience, and I've been on a number of retreats where it has made a major impact on people. It's a truly amazing gift, so why waste it.
Peace and Love
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